Vitamins I've finally been dragged into vitamin taking, all because of a buy one get one promotion. The wife didn't want to fully commit to the "get one" side with her vitamins so she "got one" for me. I'm so pleased.
These aren't just any vitamins. It isn't the simple little tablet sitting on the napkin next to your orange juice. No. These are seven huge horse tranquilizers that would be formidable as suppositories. Laid end to end they resemble some of my fingers. Basically, I am required to swallow both pinkies and half of my ring finger daily. It takes concentration, effort, and half a gallon of apple juice to do this.
At this point I cannot discern between the effect of taking the vitamins and drinking half a gallon of apple juice daily. I suspect I would feel similar if I simply drank from the garden hose for ten minutes. I'm sure I wouldn't urinate less.
The vitamins do have the universal vitamin effect of turning your pee a different color. This is the vitamin manufacturer's way of reinforcing that something profound is occuring deep inside of you. I'm ok with this, but would request that I be able to choose the color. I would choose a dark blue.
The vitamins did give a choice of what deficiency in your life you'd like to enhance. They don't portray it in those terms, but let's be honest. That is certainly what they are trying to suggest. My choices were "Sport", "Vitality & Performance", and "Memory Boost". After reading the fine print regarding what "Vitality & Performance" was intended to address, the wife eliminated "V & P" as an option. Make your jokes here, but if the wife is trying to suppress my "vitality" do I really have a "performance" issue? "Memory Boost" was an option because I could not remember how I'd allowed myself to be dragged into the store in the first place. I suggested I'd be in the market for "Memory Erase". The wife knew where I was going with that one. Nothing tells you your marriage is in a good place like being hit in the head with a box of vitamins in the vitamin store.
We settled on the all encompassing "Sport". They call it "Sport" because they can't fit "For the Guy whose unit still works, He remembers how to use it, So let's just call him Sport" on the box.
I'll let you know how it goes. For now I have to go. I think you know where.  ¶ 2:24 PM