This Week in Spam Here's a new feature where I respond to some of the more notable spam messages I've received lately.

Enjoy act while others wait! - I don't think I'm going to enjoy the act if I know others are waiting for me to finish. What "others"? The others from Lost? And where are they waiting? In the next room or behind a velvet rope right next me? I don't think this spam was for me at all. I think it was for the waiting others. It should have read, "Form a line behind the rope, he'll be done in a minute, then it's our turn."

Enjoy ssex with her! - Yeah, I'd be stuttering too with all those other people in my bedroom.

She wants a better sex? Make a miracles in bed! - Apparently the pizza guy is now addressing sexual dysfunction. Not that I'm in the market, and I resent the implication, but if I was buying, I think I'd only be interested in the one miracle. No sense spoiling her.

Even if you have no erection problems, soft Cialis can... - Wait, I'm not having a problem and I'm still supposed to take it? That's still an erection problem. It's just a different kind of erection problem. So I'd walk around like a human sun dial, but I couldn't go near schools and playgrounds.

Want to increase your volume by 500%? - No. I mean honestly, if I don't want a 24 hour flagpole, would I want to have a little Vesuvius in my pants?

Erections are still possible Lamar - No, I'm not Lamar, but I half to admit I felt pretty sorry for Lamar after this. Not possible, ever? That's a pretty tough ice breaker for Lamar to have to throw out there on dates. It's right up there with "I live with my mom". Good luck buddy.

Dorothy has a secret from your Vegas vacation - Then Dorothy needs to shut up! Did Dorothy not see the ads? What goes in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless that fusspot Dorothy sees you. Then you can expect an extortion attempt when you get home.

This is the one from Celeste, piano the non-chalantly lodge a bear...- This one made perfect sense to me, so I bought it.  ¶ 12:32 PM