Armadillo Hole
Four years ago I posted about a hole in my yard that I assumed was made by an armadillo. Why is that significant today? It's not, except to me. That one post back in July 2007 is the single biggest driver of traffic to this blog. Apparently there is a hole in the internet encyclopedia/universe of knowledge and it has to do with getting rid of armadillos. If you search for "Armadillo eradification", you're coming here. I'm on page 1 of that search. Go figure. There's a couple of ironies in that.
One is, as I've bitched about countless times, if you type the actual address of the blog, including my password, into a search engine, if the blog comes up at all it's on about page 70 of the search results. It's very gratifying. If I had known how this was going to play out, I would have called it "armadilloeradification.blogger.com" to begin with.
Two is I never actually drove the armadillo away, or I don't know that I did. One day, like most of my pets when I was a kid, it just never came back. About a week after it left, I did notice a dead armadillo on a street 2 blocks away. I suppose it could have been my armadillo and I could have been the cause. My arma-nemesis-dillo may have been disoriented from all the dog poop and moth balls I marinated it with and staggered blindly into traffic. That did lead to 2 months straight of me suggesting that any problem could be solved by, "taking it 2 blocks over and running over it with a car". The wife put that line in her ever growing catalogue of things I say that she does not find wildly hilarious.
Finally, I don't even know if an armadillo was making the hole. My hole could have been the suburban crop sign of unexplained phenomena. All I know is, I had a hole. I put dog poop down it. I covered it up. The hole didn't come back. That also led to the problem solving wise crack, "Put dog poop down it. Cover it up." Another un-hilarious vote from the wife.
None of that matters. What does matter is soon Google will be forced to send me a check for all the traffic I've gotten from people who mistakenly think I can help them with their armadillo. Beyond that we are considering two different revenue drivers from this. One is to develop and market the Grey Ghost Aramadillo Eradication kit. Basically, it's a bag of dog poop and moth balls. It's not going over well in test markets. More promising is the plan to flood the world with armadillos. See, the answer sometimes in business isn't to solve the problem. The answer is to create more problems.
There are worse ideas.
Quick Hits
Brett FavreI love when he comments that he is "singularly focused" or that the allegations against him are "not a distraction". Bullshit.
Number one, his wife his killing him...daily. I see today that she is quoted saying, "faith will see her through this". That is wife code for "Every time he walks in the room I smack him in the head with a bible".
Number two, when somebody asks you, as an adult, if this is a text photo of your penis, you are distracted. That's a question a 9th grader might get asked. I'm sorry Brett, but in the arena of public opinion you're guilty. You don't ignore an allegation like that if it's not true. You don't ignore it if it is true. Ask Bill Clinton. If you walk around and pretend that you can't talk about it that is tacit admission that, "Yep, that's my penis".
Side Note - Everyone is assuming that he's killed his endorsement deals, in particular Wrangler jeans. I don't know about that. He might sell more Wrangler jeans. I'm sorry Wrangler jean wearers. I've got you pegged as a demographic that has the
penis text photo as a significant part of the pick up arsenal.
When a man's out of ideas on how to approach a woman, Wrangler.Maria SharapovaSasha Vujacic is Lyle Lovett to Sharapova's Julia Roberts. I'm sorry that's an insult to Lyle Lovett. I never wanted to hard foul Lyle Lovett into the third row.
