Grey Ghost
Testosterone, Viagra, & Whatever Comes Next
I used to feel pretty secure in my masculinity. Wait...scratch that. I was very secure in my masculinity. Today, though, I'm not sure I'm quite the man I could be. With another doping scandal in the headlines, I ask myself, Why can't I start doping?
If testosterone makes you charge up an Alp or hit 73 home runs, just think what I could do with it. Yell at the kids louder. Push a grocery cart faster. Anything!
All I'm saying is some of this stuff sounds fun. I see now where Floyd Landis is claiming he has elevated levels of testosterone to begin with. Yeah, don't we all Floyd. When the wife shuts you out for a month, most of us could fly up a mountain too.
Floyd couldn't really go with the athlete's favorite, "I don't know how that got in there. It's probably somebody's from my posse" defense. It's urine. Even a posse can't help. Maybe he got crossed up and had a testicle sandwich. I can't read a French menu either.
Of course, like Viagra before, the wife has barred me from taking any testosterone. She momentarily reconsidered when I pointed out that by needlessly ingesting Viagra or testosterone, or better yet Viagra
and testosterone, I might accelerate my own mortality. She quickly deduced that even if I were to live for only a few hours, those hours would be a living hell for her.
So, Merck? Pfizer? Don't spend another dime on my account. Shutter all the labs dedicated to middle age ennui.
And, Floyd? Barry? Want me to hold anything for you? C'mon, help a brother out. Consider me posse.
Media Bits
Harold ReynoldsNothing surprises me anymore after O.J. . You can just never assume that the guy with the good guy image isn't capable of doing something completely out of character of his public persona.
I liked Harold Reynolds. His best attributes were his affable manner and enthusiasm. It made him a great ambassador of the game.
But let me tell you something. You've got a grab a lot of ass to get fired from ESPN. A lot of ass. Harold will bounce back. Clinton set the tone for all ass grabbers till the end of time.
It's just another example that ass grabbing is pervasive in guydom. Unfortunately, it happens everyday. Today, all across corporate America human resource managers will decide today's a good day to pull out the Sexual Harassment Panda video. Thanks Harold.
The ass grabbers all use the same tired m.o. . Throw out a ton of bait, if you get a strike? Great! If somebody objects? I was misunderstood.
Look, I'm not against office hook ups or hook ups of any kind. But unless you've got a 2 way street going, man up & pick 'em up in bars like the rest of us. Spare us the Panda.
Revenge of the NerdWhat exactly does Ken Jennings have against Jeopardy & Alex Trebeck?
The show gives him his 15 minutes of fame & 2 million cash, and he tries to trash them?
I'm lost. I say "tries to trash" because the whole rant had that classic ubernerdiness to it. Nothing against nerds, God love 'em. One thing nerds can't do. Nerds can't fight.
I'm guessing Ken has an agenda here? Which is? He's got his own game show? A competitor to Jeopardy? Or he's hosting a Dungeons & Dragons tournament from his garage. One of those.
Not Vacation
I've been off hiating with the in-laws. Fortunately, in-law hiating occurs less frequently than the Olympics. Good thing. It takes an Olympic effort on my part to get through them.
We all sit around & tip toe around each other's idiosyncrasies. My idiosyncrasy's kind of hard to get around. I just pound Beck's till I'm numb to anything they might say. They tip toe away from me because they know I might say anything. I call it in-law detente.
Hiating - Read the archives. That was a word the only known visitor to the Grey Ghost used to describe the site. It means "on break", or "slack". I can't tell which. I know I'm guilty of both. I'm going to give the word legs legs by using it more.
Beck's - The Ghost will be using more product placements in up coming posts. Every other media outlet uses them. Why can't I? Also, I'm sick of not selling bean bags (again, read the archives). Of course, Beck's didn't ask me to. I'm not sure they'd want to be associated with the act of in-law numbing. No matter. Beck's is the official Import Beer of the Grey Ghost. Unless, of course, the special is on Heineken that week. Beck's & Heineken, it's a vicious cycle.
Back with the Full Power posts soon.
Blogger Neighbors
Ever look at your Blogger neighbor? See the "Next Blog" button in the upper right hand corner? Go check & see who your neighbor is. I'll wait.
I suppose every time you post you get a new Blogger neighbor? I've gotten in the habit of checking on my Blogger neighbor after every update.
I don't do so good with real neighbors. If you don't have a barking dog, a loud stereo, or a zoning violation you can live next to me. Everybody else is who I have problems with.
That's why Blogger neighbors are the best. I never hear them. I never see them. I didn't even know they were there until I hit the "Next" button.
I've had some pretty weird Blogger neighbors though. Last week I was rooming next to a guy who likes to walk around graveyards. Not, apparently, for any historical significance, he just likes to walk around graveyards. After that I was next to either a Goth or deeply disturbed or I'm not sure what blog. Basically, it looked like the attic of the guy who walked around graveyards. When Blogger says "Next Blog" does it mean that my blog is the natural progression to death blogs?
This week I saw I was next to some blog that consisted entirely of talking anime characters. Not only did it remind me of my lack of technological prowess, worse it reminded me of my neighbors.
World Cup
I know. I trashed it and swore it off. But basketball's over, football training camps haven't started, and you can't get through a Sporstcenter without seeing the highlights.
Further, I don't just ramble on hear alone. I just repeat here some ramble from outside that I've already spewed forth on. Thus...Defenders of soccer who I am acquainted with have pointed out that the Zidane head butt refutes a lot of what I've said about soccer. Unfortunately, the action before and after the head butt only reinforces what I've said. Don't get me wrong, I'm now a big Zidane fan. Too bad he just quit, now I have little reason to begin watching.
First, let's just guess what might have occurred post head butt in any other sport. I'm going to guess something more than a sissy roll and a fake ankle grab.
Second, so I've just called an opponent a terrorist. He now reverses course away from the ball and comes right at me. Am I to assume it's go time, cookie time or head butt time? And, given my assumption, my anticipatory reaction is what? I guess soccer players like cookies. Me? I don't think I'm letting cookie time get all the way to me to get off a punch, let alone a head butt. Very nice head butt though.
Finally, the whole red card/mock outrage discipline act plays into the sissification of the whole sport. I've been taught by nuns scarier than any soccer ref. Maybe that's not a good analogy. Those nuns were scarier than just about anybody. Still, let's see an ump give, say, Lou Pinella a red card. What might happen to that card?
Zidane needs to come over here to America. I think he just made himself a ton in endorsement money. Here's the script: Walks around the commercial looking all French & cool, detects concealed product, Head Butt!!!, product revealed, fade to black. Then he bumps ChuckNorris off of a couple infomercials. Flies home. Dibs on those ideas Z.
So if your scoring, I've got it at, Zidane - 1, Soccer - Status Quo.
My Buddy Adsense
I'm not even sure I can talk about this. I thought I saw in the Adsense legalese something about not intentionally promoting the ads on your site. At this point, I think I'd welcome the monitoring.
I would imagine a common interest we all have is checking to see what Adsense thinks of our blogs via the ads they run on our blogs. In my case, Adsense is the only thing with an opinion on my blog. So far, my buddy Adsense has decided the only things I have any shot at selling are services. Yesterday, though, the Grey Ghost displayed its first ad for a finished good. Adsense decided, that given the content & my zero readers, the Grey Ghost was a good candidate to sell sports bean bags. That's right, sports bean bags. Adsense's decision then is that the perfect product for the atypical Grey Ghost reader is shapeless, malleable, and sports oriented. Sounds like me. Needless to say we won't be leaving the day jobs. I also hope I haven't caused any damage to the good people down at the sports bean bag factory either because by my count the Ghost & Adsense haven't sold one bean bag.
Which got me to thinking, given that the blog is nothing more than my own personal reflections, would not I be the perfect target market for whatever Adsense drops above the fold? There's a problem then because I don't want a sports bean bag. I don't want any bean bag. If I got into a bean bag I'd probably need assistance getting out of it. Maybe I'm the one with the problem. Who am I to argue with the expertise of Adsense? Face it Ghost, anyone who either pumps out or reads this sophomoric drivel is likely to have a dorm room chic decorating sense. Next I'll become the outlet for neon beer lights and anything with the Playboy Bunny logo tattooed on it.
As I said, I may have violated the contract by blogging about this. If I have, I apologize. I'm guessing I'm safe in that I'm nowhere on the radar. If the Adsense Monitoring Police do stop by however, Welcome!!!....Buy a Bean Bag.
News & Views
North Korea - Glad to see me & the U.S. have the same type of problems. Me? It's the kids down the street got fireworks way to strong for them to be shooting off. You tell them not to. They don't listen. Same problem. Different scale.
Bin Laden - Love the balls on this guy asking for his buddy, Al-K-Rappi's, body back. Sure, Bin. We were going to use it as a pinata, but you can have it instead. It was starting to smell anyway. We'll send it right over. What cave you in?
Views -Views? I don't have any. You should know that by now. I just put it up there because it rhymes with News.
Other Things- The march to 1,400,000 place on Technorati continues. It's easy to do with 0 links from 0 sites. Blogging in a vaccum worked to perfection. Thank You. I'm here every week, but no one else is.
-Went back to reread some old posts, and found typos that spellcheck missed. Before I fixed them, it occured to me, what's the point? If an apostrophe fell off "it's" on this blog, would anyone hear it?
-Couldn't be more bored. I'm actually doing house projects. That is the height of boredom in middle age. Come on here & mock something or hang new drop lights? Option 3 would be jumping from my 2nd floor window and ending the boredom. I don't think the 2nd floor is high enough to do any real damage. I'm too lazy to climb to the roof and do it right. Too lazy, and bored.
